Some days it seem everyone and everything — from his friends to your bra — are out to get you. Here’s how to turn it all around.
There isn’t a literate female alive who has been able to escape a theory that when a guy sends mixed messages or dodges commitment it means one thing: He’s just not that into you. That’s swell advice for your love life. But your day-to-day concerns don’t only revolve around guys you want to date, do, or dump. What if you lack chemistry with your ob-gyn? Or your bank account refuses to live up to your expectations? For the love of casual Friday, how do you cope if your jeans just aren’t that into you-and as a result you can’t get into them? Our experts suggest when….
Your Stylist’s …… just not that into you
You ask for Anne Curtis’ luscious waves, but she insists you’ll look better in style extensions. “If your stylist respects you as a client, he’ll listen to you and understand your needs”. “The stylist should also know what the client’s career and lifestyle”. It’s your job to stress direction, limits, and bad experiences before the stylist starts sculpting-and not control the stylist’s technique. Give her direction with the words “I want” versus “I think,” so the stylist doesn’t invoke her own interpretation of your taste. Specify shape, length, layers, bangs, and overall look-using a photo reference, if possible. And talk about how you plan to wear your hair post-cut. Sometimes, a stylist could be in a bad mood or feeling really experimental so if you hate the end result, schedule a free do-over or ask the manager for a comp. Befriending your stylist for special attention may backfire; if she snips you the wrong way, your bond will make it harder to critique her skills. So more communication means less drama.
Your Ob-Gyn’s ……just not that into you
We know you spill your sexual history and spread your legs to a virtual stranger once a year. But don’t take it personally when your ob-gyn rushes you out the door. “Fifteen minutes is more than a reasonable amount of time for an annual visit”. An ob-gyn says you can gauge your chemistry with a new doctor by how well he or she listens to your concerns during the first appointment. A good ob-gyn always asks about changes in bleeding, bowel habits, and bladder and sexual function. “Establish rapport”. “You’ll know right away if this doctor’s the right one for you.”
Your Jeans……just not that into you
The only thing worse than wiggling into your favorite pair is nothing that your jiggly upper thighs have rubbed a hole right through the fabric. Great jeans can redefine your look and body shape. “Jeans are a fashion staple”. “It’s versatile and easy to style, whether you’re going for street or high fashion chic.” It’s best to look for custom-fitting jeans that fit your body parts well, instead of just looking for one that is your size. But if your snug jeans have outgrown you in style in size or style, try these notice-me alternatives: narrow-striped pants, which minimize your waist; and A-line dresses, which create the illusion of slim hips. You can also go for fit-free accessories like coral jewelry, aviator glasses, and metallic shoes or bags. “Wearing piece that are quietly sexy rather than skin-tight, like jeans, makes you feel relaxed”. “You always look your best when you feel comfortable.”
Your Boyfriend’s Pal……just not that into you
“A guy friend can be a subtle undermining or strengthening factor in a relationship”. “He’s the sounding board in a boyfriend’s ear. He’ll be the first to say if he thinks you’re really great or really bitchy.” Compared with a gushing girlfriend, your guy’s buddy will be less emotional and expressive by nature which means you need to observe his behavior and try to connect over common interests-without looking like a suck-up. Suggest a game of pool, then play on both his team and your boyfriend’s to show you don’t take sides; if the guys are into watching sports, invite both over for a big game. If your man ignores your efforts to bond with his friends, he might not take your relationship seriously. “Don’t battle for allegiances”. “If your boyfriend is super-devoted to male friends to help them to stay aloof in relationships.”
Your Push-up Bra’s……just not that into you
When it comes to buying the right push-up bra, a lot of us assume our boobs won’t fill enough of the garment to boost anything but nipples-or we’re so busty that no bra could hope to contain us. Padded or silicone gel-enhanced bras will lift Lilliputian chests, says Kristin Smith, director of sales and marketing for Intimacy on Madison in New York and Intimacy Atlanta, two boutiques that specialize in bra fittings. And if your cleavage already runneth over, Smith says to increase your cup size but not your band size. Seamed bras have the strongest construction, so they’ll offer the best shape for larger chests. Half demi-cups and angled-demi cups push you up and in for narrow cleavage in plunging necklines, while demi push-ups help fill the bill in square or low, round necklines. How high should you go? “Place your arms at your side. Now imagine that right under your bust you could draw an imaginary line halfway between your elbow and your shoulder. That’s a perfect push-up,” says Smith.
Your In-Laws……just not that into you
Did you stain your in-laws’ antique tablecloth? Or did you simply marry their son? Either way, the result can be the same: a frosty relationship between you and his folks that you should mend sooner rather than later. “Your in-laws probably don’t want to be uncomfortable with you either”. “If you give them an opportunity to find a way out of an impasse, they’ll go for it.” Return from vacations and gift them with souvenirs that relate to their favorite things-not tacky, ordinary pieces. Conversationally, if every topic you raise falls fat try asking about your in-laws’ past; surely they’ve had some experience to leverage for future chats. “Remembering people in unexpected ways has real value, because it’s such a rarity in this worlds”. “Nobody gets enough thoughtfulness, respect and regard.” If you have a specific bridge to repair, make amends after everyone has eaten a meal that’s passed around a table. “Serve messy food; nothing staid and formal”. “Even if you order pizza, you’ll be ready to make nice and act human.”
Your Boss……just not that into you
Studies show that 77 percent of the people who suffer emotional abuse from superiors or subordinates, are women. “In these situations, women internalize the blame and will stand on their heads to change, and it doesn’t help them”. Accept 100 percent of the responsibility for your 50 percent of the relationship, which will help you to avoid feeling like a victim and will allow you to plan your strategy. First, look for concrete signs that your boss doesn’t like you-she doesn’t make eye contact, she gave your project to a coworker without telling you, she excludes you from meetings. Confront your boss about work-related issues. If a personality conflict divides you, find something about your boss that you can respect, and look for common interests. Within the work arena, find ways to make your superior look good. Tackle the projects you know can increase company profits or save money. Send the message: “I hear you, and I’m processing what you want me to do.”
…When You’re Just Not That Into You
How to deal with the worst days
Everybody has fat days, bad hair days, or two-big-zits-front and center days-which is why it’s perfectly normal to occasionally wake up feeling like the world just ate your oyster. “Your feelings are not your reality right now”. “Don’t deny what you’re experiencing, but don’t turn an off-moment into a self-fulfilling prophecy either. If you do, you’re giving a random mood too much validity, which will allow it to control your day.” Instead, recognize the situation-and then snap out of it. Change up your routine and finish big with an activity you genuinely look forward to. For example, tackle 4 hours of work, and then treat yourself to a long run. “This wakes up your brain”. “If you keep doing the same thing, you’ll get the same ho-hum result.”